Well, the MegaBall jackpot is at its highest ever, and I have to admit it’s hard for Jon & I to resist thinking about how we’d handle that much money. Years of living below the poverty line has made us, at times, a little weary.  It was four years ago now that Jon & I first started talking seriously about going into medicine, and at the time both of us had flourishing careers, we’d just finished remodeling our house, and pregnant with Solveig.  Although we were convicted, we just did not see a way that Jon could fit going back to school around his work schedule.  Also, once the baby came I planned to quit my job, so we had to have Jon’s income to survive.  Over that year thoughts of medical missions sort of fizzled out and we filed it away in our minds under “someday, but not now.”

Isn’t it funny how we think we know what we need?  Looking back, we feel so fortunate that God didn’t take our “no” for an answer – instead He said, “Okay, you think you can’t live without Jon’s income?  Well, I’ll take it away, and Elise’s too, and you’ll see.”  The second Jon got laid off we knew God was clearing the way for Jon to go back to school, so he enrolled in classes the very next week.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how, if we don’t put ourselves in positions of vulnerability, be it emotional, physical, or whatever, we miss opportunities to know God better.  Just this week, Jon and I have been burdened because we have absolutely no way to pay our bills this month.  I say this not to say we need help, or even empathy; we've really become, well, I guess used to it, and I've gotten really good at finding ways to earn just that tiny bit extra.  Lately though, we’ve been especially tired.  Looking at all our options, we’d pretty much concluded that, well, we only have a couple more months before we move and if our landlord started eviction proceedings they’d legally last until about then anyway so maybe that’s just what we have to do.  But I don’t like the idea of not paying those you owe money too (and it’s not Biblical, either).

Jon’s been trying to find a job since November, and we’d been praying for that for months.  But this week we’ve shifted our prayers into asking for God’s
provision, however that comes.  On my way to a meeting yesterday I talked to God about trust, and how vulnerable I’ve been feeling.  I told Him how I knew He was taking care of us, and that I truly wanted to be obedient in whatever He was having us do, but I was worried I was getting in the way, too loud to hear His direction.  I am such an overanalyzer I think it’s easy for me talk myself out of things, or question whether I really did hear God.  During my meeting I saw a friend and we chatted a little before she went back to her work.  A couple minutes later, though, she came back and asked how we were doing, “oh, good,” I said, and then she asked if we’ve been paying our bills.  I fought my pride and was honest.  My BAM moment came when she said they had some money set aside for just this type of thing and asked, well insisted, to help us with rent. 

Again, we thought we knew what we needed, a job for Jon, but at this specific time God wanted to take care of us another way.  Not
even one hour had gone by since I prayed and God came through.  He is teaching us lessons in humility, community and dependence, lessons that we would miss out on if we were financially independent.  Of course there’s lots of things we can think of to do with a lottery jackpot, but we’re growing where God has us now and enjoying the closest relationship with Him we’ve ever had.  Being able to talk to Him and that He heard us and responded is huge.  He is reminding us that we are right on the path He's put us on, and we're going to keep going with confidence until He gives us the next direction.

3/31/2012 00:30:11

God truly is amazing. I love his love for you. His tender listening heart. He wants to hear your requests and he is dancing because he got to answer in such a stunning way. More abundant blessings to you. Rhoda

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